Message from the Author
"We'll learn how we got the current state of marriage - in general, and individually - and what is necessary if a couple is going to attempt to fix a broken marriage.
Often, that is not possible, so a key purpose of this book is to help you cut through the emotional crap associated with relationship breakdown and divorce, so you can make a rational and fair deal with your spouse and not permanently destroy your parental relationship.
Another important purpose of this book is to reduce the financial cost of separation and divorce by avoiding court, if possible. There are many alternative dispute resolution mechanisms currently available, and they're all much cheaper than lawyers and trials.
As we go through the book, I will build on some absolute truths gleaned from the ashes of my more than 42 years as a family law lawyer."
Tony Keller
Often, that is not possible, so a key purpose of this book is to help you cut through the emotional crap associated with relationship breakdown and divorce, so you can make a rational and fair deal with your spouse and not permanently destroy your parental relationship.
Another important purpose of this book is to reduce the financial cost of separation and divorce by avoiding court, if possible. There are many alternative dispute resolution mechanisms currently available, and they're all much cheaper than lawyers and trials.
As we go through the book, I will build on some absolute truths gleaned from the ashes of my more than 42 years as a family law lawyer."
Tony Keller
Reviews - What people are saying about Cut the Crap + Make the Deal...
"In Cut the Crap + Make the Deal, Tony Keller, a family law lawyer for 42 years, has offered common sense and important legal advice to separating spouses before embarking on a suicide course of waging war against the other in the courts. He explains how to choose a lawyer, explains the legal and court process, what to expect in costs and the alternatives to litigating in the courts. It is a book that must be read before embarking on separation and divorce." - Roger Salhany is a retired Justice of the Superior Court of Ontario. He has been a lecturer to judges, lawyer, law students, administrative boards, and police officers. He is also the author of eight books on criminal procedure.
"It is almost impossible to be rational and fair - traits which require the ability to think calmly and clearly when you are emotionally hijacked, or emotionally depleted, and yet that is exactly the situation many of us find ourselves in when faced with the ending of a relationship. It can be painful, and expensive. Enter Tony Keller and his toolkit of truisms and truth. In his humorous, often blunt, but surprisingly caring way, Tony guides the reader through the nitty gritty of reconciliation, separation and divorce." Alison Scott - Retired Executive Director of Family and Children's Services
"Tony was a widely experienced and very successful trial lawyer. I know this because he tried several difficult cases in front of me. He has been there. I recommend this book to parties whose marriage has broken down. As Tony points out the cost is about 1/10th of 1 hour of the rate usually charged by a competent family law lawyer." - The Honourable Peter B. Hambly, Retired Superior Court Judge
"I am sure it is 'strange' to say that a book on 'divorce' is a good read, but this one actually is. There are many books on the market about divorce - all having their value during the process of divorce - and Tony's book 'Cut the Crap + Make a deal' has a needed and welcomed place in this process. This book is straight up and it is real! If you have had the opportunity to meet Tony, you will bear witness that his writing is how he talks in person - straight up, and real...making this book easy to read. It will have you thinking, laughing and looking at things in a different way. Divorce can be hard, reading about it doesn't have to be - Tony has done so in this book." - Paula Ferreira, Social Worker with a Master of Social work, mother, a woman of strength who continues to do her best to be kind every day even when its hard.
"If you are experiencing the emotional or financial pain of separation and divorce, you need to read this book...this book lays bare the pitfalls of an acrimonious separation...Tony holds nothing back when describing the emotional and financial harm the court system has on the parties...the book is written for the 'non-lawyer' in a straightforward manner." - Don McIntyre, lawyer (44 years) and family law mediator (15 years)
"While the book is full of important and thoughtful analysis of spousal relationships - good, bad or somewhere in between - Tony also provides essential practical advice. From the Keller's Rule of Relationships through to Hoping for the best: Plan for the Worst, to his Do's and Don'ts of hiring a Family Law Lawyer, he gives the reader many tangible tools to help them through this common and very personal experience. this is an easy and enjoyable read and you will finish having learned so much. As Tony says - Life is Hard - and this book makes it a little less hard." Ian M. Hull, Wills and Estates Legal Specialist
"Reading Tony's book is like having your best friend be the best divorce attorney in the world. Think of that friend educating you about divorce as you are going through it. Think of that same friend advising you how to proceed amidst all the anger, turmoil, and disruption. That is how this book has been written: to educate, to guide, and to encourage. The advice is expert and compelling. The language is clear, often humorous, and filled with wisdom and insights from a lifetime of experience. The purpose of this book is to help you obtain the best possible outcome in the kindest and fairest way, while minimizing the financial and emotional damage. That is a truly remarkable goal and it has been achieved. I recommend this book as the perfect guide to anyone contemplating or currently stumbling along the confusing, expensive, and perilous journey of divorce." - Matthias B. Donelan, M.D., Chief of Staff, Emeritus, Shriners Hospitals for Children - Boston; Associate Professor of Surgery, Harvard Medical School; Visiting Surgeon: Massachusetts General Hospital
"It is almost impossible to be rational and fair - traits which require the ability to think calmly and clearly when you are emotionally hijacked, or emotionally depleted, and yet that is exactly the situation many of us find ourselves in when faced with the ending of a relationship. It can be painful, and expensive. Enter Tony Keller and his toolkit of truisms and truth. In his humorous, often blunt, but surprisingly caring way, Tony guides the reader through the nitty gritty of reconciliation, separation and divorce." Alison Scott - Retired Executive Director of Family and Children's Services
"Tony was a widely experienced and very successful trial lawyer. I know this because he tried several difficult cases in front of me. He has been there. I recommend this book to parties whose marriage has broken down. As Tony points out the cost is about 1/10th of 1 hour of the rate usually charged by a competent family law lawyer." - The Honourable Peter B. Hambly, Retired Superior Court Judge
"I am sure it is 'strange' to say that a book on 'divorce' is a good read, but this one actually is. There are many books on the market about divorce - all having their value during the process of divorce - and Tony's book 'Cut the Crap + Make a deal' has a needed and welcomed place in this process. This book is straight up and it is real! If you have had the opportunity to meet Tony, you will bear witness that his writing is how he talks in person - straight up, and real...making this book easy to read. It will have you thinking, laughing and looking at things in a different way. Divorce can be hard, reading about it doesn't have to be - Tony has done so in this book." - Paula Ferreira, Social Worker with a Master of Social work, mother, a woman of strength who continues to do her best to be kind every day even when its hard.
"If you are experiencing the emotional or financial pain of separation and divorce, you need to read this book...this book lays bare the pitfalls of an acrimonious separation...Tony holds nothing back when describing the emotional and financial harm the court system has on the parties...the book is written for the 'non-lawyer' in a straightforward manner." - Don McIntyre, lawyer (44 years) and family law mediator (15 years)
"While the book is full of important and thoughtful analysis of spousal relationships - good, bad or somewhere in between - Tony also provides essential practical advice. From the Keller's Rule of Relationships through to Hoping for the best: Plan for the Worst, to his Do's and Don'ts of hiring a Family Law Lawyer, he gives the reader many tangible tools to help them through this common and very personal experience. this is an easy and enjoyable read and you will finish having learned so much. As Tony says - Life is Hard - and this book makes it a little less hard." Ian M. Hull, Wills and Estates Legal Specialist
"Reading Tony's book is like having your best friend be the best divorce attorney in the world. Think of that friend educating you about divorce as you are going through it. Think of that same friend advising you how to proceed amidst all the anger, turmoil, and disruption. That is how this book has been written: to educate, to guide, and to encourage. The advice is expert and compelling. The language is clear, often humorous, and filled with wisdom and insights from a lifetime of experience. The purpose of this book is to help you obtain the best possible outcome in the kindest and fairest way, while minimizing the financial and emotional damage. That is a truly remarkable goal and it has been achieved. I recommend this book as the perfect guide to anyone contemplating or currently stumbling along the confusing, expensive, and perilous journey of divorce." - Matthias B. Donelan, M.D., Chief of Staff, Emeritus, Shriners Hospitals for Children - Boston; Associate Professor of Surgery, Harvard Medical School; Visiting Surgeon: Massachusetts General Hospital
Sneak Preview
- Keller's Rule of Relationships: If two people cohabit with each other longer than one year, they deserve each other.
- All human beings are animals. We evolved from apelike creatures millennia ago. All animals propagate their species by impregnating the female and the birth of offspring. Males and females remained together in a prehistoric, rudimentary family unit to keep the species alive. All of this started way before the Bible was written, before churches and governments created the institution of marriage and before separation and divorce became part of our culture.
- Divorce is really only about two things: Kids and Money. This book will assist you to resolve those issues in a relatively inexpensive, swift fashion.
- In the event you do separate from your spose or are considering separating from your spouse, you should consider at least consulting with a lawyer to help you steer through the expensive, time-consulting, stressful legal maze. This book offers some help in that regard. However, this book cannot be taken as specific individual legal advice by any reader. Legal advice has to be tailored to the specific needs of the specific client. That's the bad news. The good news is this book is relatively cheap.
- The laws in Canada are intended to be fair to both spouses and the children. "Fair" is in the eye of the beholder. Our laws are passed by politicians, most of whom are not specialists in separation and divorce, custody, access and spousal and child support. Consequently, our laws are not and never will be perfect. Life isn't fair. The good news is that a rational couple can discuss and negotiate their way to a fair settlement of all issues without going to court.
- I have a saying: "If you want true justice you have to die and go to Heaven; If you want a decision, go to court". It is far faster, cheaper, efficient and smarter to settle disputes over the welfare of children, division of assets and spousal/child support by negotiation. If negotiation doesn't work, you should proceed to mediation or mediation/arbitration. Those methods of dispute resolution are way faster and cheaper than court. The ultimate goal should be that you and your former spouse will be able to sit next to each other at your children's weddings and grandchildren's christenings.
- Just remember: As you go through the process of separation and divorce, it is normal to feel as if each of you is temporarily insane.
- This book is intended to help couples steer through the maze of separation and divorce without destroying each other or their children, while fairly dividing their income and property. The paramount goal is to resolve all issues in the best interests of their children by fairly applying the legal principles which govern support and division of assets.
- Keller's Rule of Relationships: If two people cohabit with each other longer than one year, they deserve each other.
- All human beings are animals. We evolved from apelike creatures millennia ago. All animals propagate their species by impregnating the female and the birth of offspring. Males and females remained together in a prehistoric, rudimentary family unit to keep the species alive. All of this started way before the Bible was written, before churches and governments created the institution of marriage and before separation and divorce became part of our culture.
- Love is acceptance. Without unconditional acceptance of yourself and your spouse, lifelong happiness is impossible. The most difficult truth I ever had to learn was that I could never be a contented human being unless I unconditionally accepted myself as I am. I have learned that self-acceptance is a precondition to accepting another unconditionally.
- To paraphrase the philosopher Plato: Mistakes Occur on The Path of Experience; Experience Leads to The Path of Knowledge; Knowledge Leads to The Path of Wisdom.